The NAV
I must confess. I truly have the worse sense of direction. I am not really sure how I even got around prior to the invention of the NAV. Also known as the navigation system. Growing up on Long Island, it took me years to understand that there were numerous routes that went east to west, and to my shock, even more options that traversed north to south. So when I was introduced to the NAV, it was as if Moses split the Red Sea as it allowed me to travel without getting lost. A miracle in its own right
But with every great invention, I have the amazing ability to find fault. No sense discussing the wonders of the NAV, as its intention is to get you to your final destination as quickly as possible, and it usually does. However, this leads me to my first issue. The NAV has so many options. We have Google Maps, Waze, Auto Navigation, and all have their own opinion. When I am alone, and driving aimlessly, I opt for Waze, as the feature of “police locater” is crucial. No, I am not wanted in any state, yet, I do have a tendency to exceed the speed limit and I find the warnings of “police ahead” a great defense against tickets. So as I heed the warnings, mysteriously, at times they do not appear. I wonder whether the police are actually entering their supposed location ahead so that I slow down, or are they deleting warnings so they can nail me at the next turn.
But, often times, I am not alone. I find that my passengers all like to be involved in getting us to our final destination. One person, my lovely wife Joann, likes to play “Which NAV knows Best”. An interesting game where one toggles between a minimum of 2 systems that are uploaded on the phone, spewing different directions to get to the same location and getting you there within minutes of each other. This cacophony of phone chatter goes along with the navigation system that I already employed in my car. So from the beginning to the end of the trip, I am serenaded with 3 different voices offering their directional expertise, and then having to decide which system is correct. All to save 2 minutes. Let’s also not forget that all 3 voices are rarely in sync, so at times you get 3 separate opinions, at different times, and typically during a great song which continuously gets interrupted.
Even with all the noise in the car, one must be aware of distances. For example, “make left turn next 1000 ft.” Does anyone really know what 1000 feet is? I personally have no clue, especially when I am speeding up to beat the yellow light from turning red. Inevitably, I always make the turn to soon, which of course results in a berating from whoever is in the car with me. Now, I am on the wrong road, being reminded by 3 different voices, defending myself for the errant turn, while trying to navigate the car back onto the correct path.
Of course, we all are familiar with the visual map on the dashboard that is probably the size of the TV in my den. So while I am filtering through the noise, I am also trying to zero in on the little arrow that is pointing to the correct street I should be on. While staring at the map on the screen, I wonder when the last time I actually looked at the road. And then I wonder how this is any different from reading a text while I am driving. Certainly in both cases, I am paying little to know attention to my fellow drivers.
As the journey continues, my eyes stay glued to the ETA calculation on the bottom of the screen. For those of you who are unfamiliar, ETA stands for Expected Time of Arrival. If at any time the estimation increases, I immediately internalize to myself that I am a failure. I then proceed to stomp on the gas to try to make back those valuable minutes. So between speeding and watching the map, I often wonder how I am alive to complain about this.
At last, and on time, give or take a couple of minutes, “I have arrived”, “I have arrived”, ”I have arrived”.