Ooohh That Feels So Goood!!!

For those of you that know me, you know how shy I am.  (I can hear guffaws from here) and with that shyness, comes a man that also has an issue with someone touching my body.  Because of this, I suffer from MP, also known as Massage Phobia.  Truth be told, I never had a massage until a couple of years ago.

It was a beautiful day on the beach in Mexico, and while observing the people on the shore, I noticed in the distance what looked to be beds on the sand.  I pointed this out to my lovely wife, who informed me that they were for massages.  What?  I queried.  Out in public?  People getting massaged.  Is that even legal?  With that, we decided to walk on over and of course, get some details.  The cost, a mere $25 for a half hour.    We went back to our huts, and I decided to do what I do best, nap.   Upon awakening, I realized that my wife was missing.   There in the distance, was my little flower getting a massage.  Three Pina coladas and a joint later, I decided to mosey over to check out the situation.  After seeing her face of total relaxation and calm, I decided to give it the old college try.

So, there I was, under a palm tree with Juanita, clear headed knowing that another women was about to have her way with me, (or so I thought) with my wife actually paying the bill.  (Can it get any better than this?)  I am instructed to lie on my stomach, and Juanita begins to work on all my different body parts.  I was in ecstasy.  It didn’t matter that my face was smashed into the head rest, or that she was finding knots in my back and breaking them up with what felt like a hammer, it just felt soooo good.  Until….  My nose.  It gave way like a leaking faucet.  Unaware to me, I must have had a cold or something, as my nose began to run.  What do I do?  Interrupt Juanita as she smashes down on my trapezoids, or be embarrassed by the flood of fluids now puddling in the sand beneath my nose.  I opted for embarrassment.

As Juanita massaged on, I do nothing but relax and let my mind wander.  So of course, being the uptight individual that I am, I become consumed with what is going through Juanita's mind.  Is she grossed out by the hairs on my back?  Is she thinking that she should have charged me double?  Or is she really thinking how good this man looks?  (I actually never thought for one minute that she was thinking that.)  So in my state of euphoria, Juanita asks me if I would like her to take care of the giant zit on my back.  My fantasies dissipate immediately, and I say “SURRRRRE”   Within seconds, a squeeze here and a pop there, poof.  All gone.  A zit that I adorned for years, was no longer.  She’s a miracle worker.

After finishing working on my back, I am now instructed to roll over.  And there went my euphoria.  My concerns of running noses, and black heads were nothing compared to the thoughts now running through my head.  What happens if Juanita hits those “spots” that might cause some excitement?  What will it do to our relationship? Will she think less of me? Or more?  There I am, on the beach, hot sun beating down on me, oils all over my body, and…   Well you get what I was thinking.  But fortunately for all concerned, my stress level was the only thing that was rising.  Embarrassment everted.

Juanita and I never saw each other again, but I am sure her memories of me never faded.