TABLES
Tables, like people, come in many sizes, shapes and colors. The big difference is there is no systemic racism within the table world, but they can be the cause for much angst and stress.
Specifically, the stress magnifies when dining out in a restaurant in groups of 4, 6,8,10… The size of the group does not matter, but for some people, it’s the location of that table that can make or break the evening. For example, the runway. One must be conscious of being seated in the pathway from the kitchen to the dining room. As the wait staff shuffles to and fro with trays of hot food by your head, there is always that chance that a plate of sauce will end up on your neck. Or perhaps the table that has been selected for you is too close to the front door, causing major drafts every time a new patron walks in. Nothing worse than wearing 2 sweaters during your meal. How about the table situated right near the bathroom. Always a treat inhaling the pungent aromas of human defecation. Or the perfumes used to disguise those odors. And finally, and most importantly to some, is to be situated where you have the ability to have full view of all the other patrons, whether you know them or not. If it is a “scene” restaurant, you must have the ability to see and be seen.
But location of the table is not the only thing that causes hypertension. PLACEMENT among your group is of the utmost importance. Where exactly will you be sitting for the evening festivities? Will you be situated with your back to the restaurant and facing the wall, or will you demand the corner seat that allows you to look out upon the other diners of the restaurant, so you can monitor any potential threats to your safety? You always need to be at the ready. Or will you be situated next to your latest closest friend that you probably spent the whole day with, or next to the most boring person in the group.
And that is not the only decision that needs to be made before you dine. When dining with 6 or more, the question now becomes whether or not you sit with your significant other? Should it be boy girl boy girl boy girl, in which case sharing your meal is still an an option? Or should it be girls on one side and boys on the other, and then to have to decide which side gets the better view.So many options.
And let’s not forget the importance of the shape of the table itself. Do we prefer a round table where we can see each other, but hearing the person directly across from you is virtually impossible. Or do we prefer the elongated rectangle where if you are situated at the end, you are eliminated from any conversation with the rest of the party. I find myself in this situation often and am starting to get a complex as I am constantly cordoned off to one end or the other.
Finally, we have the early bird scouters. In order to alleviate any pre dining stress, there are some that arrive to the dinner 30 minutes early to scout out the table. This insures proper seat positioning. When you arrive at 6:55 for the 7:00 reservation, you are immediately ushered to your table, where in you realize that all the other guests are strategically sitting already, leaving you with the 2 seats closest to the bathroom, back to the public and directly in the runway to the kitchen. Inquisitively, you ask what time everyone else got there, knowing fully well the answer based on the amount of alcohol missing in their drinks, and the answer is always “oh, we just got here!!!” HMMMM!!!!