ITS ALL GARBAGE

I am not sure who to turn to. I am having a communication issue with my garbage men, women, sanitation experts, or what ever we are suppose to call them. For months now, I have a garbage pail that clearly lost its will to live. The handle is broken, the wheel is missing causing it to tip over and spilling out whatever it holds, and there is a crack running from the top to the bottom, making for a raccoons personal smorgasbord.. All of these injuries, by the way were suffered from the hands of my sanitation officers. For the past few months, I have tried everything to get them to not only take the garbage inside of the can , but to take the can itself. Notes on the side crying out “TAKE ME I AM GARBAGE” did not seem to work. Not sure if the sanitation engineers can read English, or they just have their own set of rules regarding the demise of a can. (After all, I guess they develop some type of relationship with these cans, thus making it hard to label them GARBAGE.) Perhaps they just cannot come to grips with such a loss. I am not sure. Then I wonder, perhaps I am putting it out on the wrong day. Maybe its not garbage, but it belongs with the plastics and bottles. I tried that. Filled it with cans and bottles, and to my sadness, the following morning , there sat my empty can. Then I thought, perhaps on the town refuse calendar, there is a special day, like Valentinesday, for Garbage Can pick ups. I scoured the calendar, but no, there is no “Pail Day” I am at a loss. Is there a commissioner of Garbage I can speak to? Is there a Garbage pail rule book I should know about? Can I fire my refuse collectors? SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!